When I Lost My Words

 When I Lost My Words

I remember a time when, as a lawyer, I was invited to appear on a television show for an interview. I had prepared myself carefully and knew what I wanted to say.

But on that same day, a client came to see me. She was carrying deep grief and sadness. As she spoke, she cried, and I found myself absorbing her pain. Her grief brought my own anger, sadness, and grief back to the surface.

Then I went into the interview.

I did badly. I forgot what I had prepared to say, struggled to find my words, and felt vulnerable in front of the camera. I knew afterward that I had not performed the way I had wanted to.

For a long time, I could have looked at that experience simply as a professional failure. But I remember it differently now. I had spent time with someone who was hurting, and her pain had affected me more deeply than I realized. By the time I sat in front of the cameras, I was carrying emotions that had nothing to do with the questions being asked.

It doesn't change the fact that I did badly in that interview. I did. But I have also learned that being a lawyer does not make us immune to human emotion. We can be prepared, experienced and professional, and still have moments when someone else's grief reaches us so deeply that we lose our words.

Sometimes vulnerability doesn't look beautiful or inspiring. Sometimes it looks like forgetting what you were supposed to say and walking away knowing you didn't do well.

And perhaps that is part of being human, too.