Yes, All Men and Women Who Stay Silent Perpetuate the Culture of Violence with Impunity

https://countercurrents.org/2024/10/yes-all-men-and-women-who-stay-silent-perpetuate-the-culture-of-violence-with-impunity/ 

29/10/2024

Recently, there was a debate on social media regarding `#Not All Men’. This phrase is popularized online by mostly the Men’s Rights Activists (MRAs) to depict that not all men are violent. It is in response to discussions regarding misogyny or abuse, which blame men as perpetrators. The proponents of this phrase ignored the feminist voices, which have been highlighting that violence is not a man versus a woman issue. Violence against women is about patriarchal oppression and the culture of impunity, which harms society at large. This is depicted from the responses of women who initiated a hashtag #YesAllWomen and #MeToo movement. In both these online movements, women shared their experiences of harassment and discrimination they faced because of persistent misogyny.

For centuries, women have been oppressed in patriarchal societies where violence and hegemony are used as tools to control them. Over the years, violence in private and public places against women has taken a virulent form. Violence not only physically affects victims; it also leads to emotional trauma, psychological scars, and the need for healing and closure. Moreover, violence implies not only an assault of the body, mind, or soul of a woman, but it also occurs when the conditions are being enabled to facilitate it and when the system—the state and the society—excuses it.

The women who try to raise their voices against such violence are ostracized, stigmatized, ridiculed, shamed, and alienated. The families, the communities, and all other social and legal institutions blame women. All efforts are made to silence women who defy patriarchal norms. Men and women in positions of authority within families, politics, society, or the legal system deploy all the strategies to silence women who raise their voices against violence. The arguments of discipline, love, sacrifice, honour, shame, and stigma are all made to compel women to `adjust’,  `forgive and forget’, or `move on’. Patriarchy conditions women to bear violence silently. It also trains women to sustain this culture of blaming victims for the violent acts committed by abusive men.

Also, the laws made to protect women from violence are appropriated to serve the masculinist order. The legal system, instead of punishing the abusers, discredits women survivors of violence. Myths and misogyny are propagated to portray the survivors of violence as liars and gold diggers. Victim blaming shuts the women’s voices of pain and suffering while ignoring the cries for justice. The moral compass of society works in a way to put the burden of guilt and shame on the victim of violence rather than shaming the abuser for their violent and criminal act. The androcentric courts are also guided by this patriarchal ideology, which silences the voices of women survivors of violence.

This system puts the entire burden of violence on women victims while evading to fix the accountability of a violent man, creating a culture of impunity. Violent men felt emboldened and entitled in such a culture because they knew that they would not be held liable for their criminal actions. Thus, society enables conditions where abusive men are excused for all their horrific, vile, and criminal actions.

Perhaps society fails to penalize men guilty of violence against women because these men are ordinary men. They are someone’s father, brother, husband, or son. This logic ignores the fact that a victim is also someone’s daughter, mother, wife, or sister, and more importantly, a human being and citizen endowed with rights. She deserves justice.

Not only in India, but across the world, women are discriminated against and alienated by the social and legal system. For instance, recently, the horrific experiences of Gisele Pelicot, a French woman, sedated and raped by her husband and dozens of other men for nine years, show how women are deceived by the systems and institutions, which promise them safety, equality, and justice. The trial of this case is going on. The video records and the documents found during investigations presented before the court indicate the terrible nature of violence. This case has evoked discussions relating to the prevalence of rape culture, consent, betrayal in marriage, pornography, and digital violence against women, and importantly, it shows how the masculine code operates, where none of the men invited to rape her complained against it. It shows that any man can be a predator, the one who is not just “someone met in a car park late at night” but “can also be in the family, among our friends.”

More importantly, Gisele Pelicot’s reaction, her courage and determination to speak for all women victims and survivors of violence, despite being hurt, and her zeal to support the cause of survivors of violence are empowering. In her response to her ordeal, she said that she felt betrayed, broken, and completely destroyed. She precisely stated that the `shame should change sides’. She rightly challenged the system to ascertain that all men who stayed silent should be shamed for their violent acts.

The cases of violence against women in India and worldwide depict how the families, communities, the law, the legal system, and society are complicit in the crime against women and create a culture of impunity where men feel entitled to violate the soul, the mind, and the body of women as per their whims and fancies. Therefore, the violent men and patriarchal society that silence women and embolden men, should all be held responsible for creating a culture of violence with impunity.

Yes, all women experience sexism, discrimination, misogyny, and violence in some way or another.

Yes, all men and women who stay silent in situations when violence is inflicted on women or refuse to acknowledge the persistent situation of discrimination against women are complicit in crime. 

Yes, all men and women who intentionally turn their faces away when a woman faces violence in a public or private space are guilty of perpetuating the culture of violence with impunity.

Yes, all men and women who intentionally indulge in fierce backlash against women’s rights while promoting misogyny and toxic masculinity, disseminating myths, knowing that cases of violence against women are increasing in terms of scope, outreach, and barbarity, are guilty of perpetuating the climate of injustice.

Yes, those backlashers who propagate the myth that women are liars and gold diggers to divert attention from the role of men and society should carry the burden of the guilt of creating the culture of violence with impunity. 

Yes, all families who silence the voices of women and prevent them from complaining encourage the culture of violence and impunity.

Yes, the families who turn away women in pain rather than supporting her are complicit in creating a culture of impunity.

Yes, the communities that compel women victims and survivors of violence to carry the burden of shame and guilt while excusing men for their violent crimes preserve the culture of violence with impunity.

Yes, the culture that tolerates and promotes practices such as dowry violence, female foeticide, son-preference, honour killing, forced marriages, child marriages, witch hunting, widow discrimination, and girl child discrimination is guilty of perpetuating violence with impunity.

Yes, those who welcome and garland the murderers and rapists are complicit in crimes against women.

Yes, the society that tolerates misogynist speeches and sexist jokes every day is guilty of perpetuating the culture of violence with impunity.

Yes, the media that propagates the misogyny 24/7 is guilty of perpetuating the culture of violence with impunity.

Yes, the businesses that objectify and commodify women for their profits are complicit in the crime of creating a culture of violence with impunity.

Yes, the onus lies with society, which upholds and perpetuates patriarchal norms that favour men while silencing women for maintaining the culture of violence against women with impunity.

Yes, those who sideline `women’s issues’ believing that women’s pain and suffering are less important than all other problems in the world and should be attended to when all other problems are resolved, create a culture of violence against women with impunity.

Yes, the state, which has failed to enforce the laws and policies to facilitate conditions to eliminate violence against women, is complicit in the crime.

Yes, the state that has failed to allocate budget to provide services to the victims and survivors of violence is guilty of creating a culture of violence with impunity.

Yes, the legal system, including the police personnel, the prison administration, the policymakers, the lawmakers, and enforcers, who discredit the voices of survivors of violence and deny justice to women, are complicit in the crime in creating the culture of violence with impunity.

Yes, the police personnel who refuse to register the complaints of violence against women are complicit in crime and create a culture of impunity.

Yes, the lawyers and the judges who apply the arguments of divinity and politicize the law and the legal system to marginalize the oppressed are guilty of sustaining the culture of violence with impunity.

Yes, the lawyers and judges, who instead of using the constitutional provisions, subjectively release the abusers, are reinforcing the climate of impunity.

Yes, the lawyers and judges who himpathize with the abusers for being young, or he has a family to support, and similar excuses uphold the culture of violence with impunity.

Yes, the lawyers and judges who ignore the needs of the victims and their families for justice are complicit in perpetuating the culture of impunity.

Yes, the legal system that delays cases related to violence against women is guilty of perpetuating the culture of impunity.

Yes, all men and women in positions of authority who stay silent to uphold their vested gains when women’s rights are violated are guilty of contributing to the culture of violence with impunity.

Yes, all men and women politicians and parliamentarians who refuse to acknowledge the increasing violence against women and choose to do nothing about it are complicit in the crime against women.

Yes, the political parties who sideline women’s issues and give tickets to men guilty of committing violence on women are complicit in creating the culture of crime against women with impunity.

Yes, all men are guilty of perpetuating the culture of violence with impunity when, in conflict situations, women’s bodies are being targeted to teach a lesson to the enemy.

Yes, when the institutions created to protect women fail to fulfill their obligations, these institutions are guilty of failing women and are creating the culture of impunity.

Yes, the army personnel guilty of rape, when shielded by their higher-ups; the system are responsible for creating the culture of violence with impunity.

Yes, the system that has become immune to the screams of women facing violence is guilty of perpetuating violence against women with impunity.

Yes, `the shame should change sides’ as Gisele Pelicot stated.

Yes, the system of blaming the women who experience violence should change.

Yes, the culture of violence against women with impunity should change.

Yes, the state, society, and communities should fix the accountability of abusive men.

Yes, the perpetrators of violence should be carrying the burden of shame and guilt of committing the crime against women.

Yes, the patriarchal social and legal norms must change in the spirit of justice, and the culture of violence with impunity must be altered.

Yes, the system should facilitate the conditions necessary for the women who face violence to openly speak against it without any guilt or shame and promote the healing of survivors and victims of violence.

Yes, the structural oppression and systemic inequalities must end.

Yes, we need to smash patriarchy.

`Not all men’ but `Yes, all men and women who stay silent’ propagate the culture of violence with impunity, and this should end.

Adv. Dr. Shalu Nigam is a feminist lawyer and researcher working on gender, governance, and human rights issues. Her most recent book which is published in on Dowry is a Serious Economic Violence: Rethinking Dowry Violence Law in India.  

 Excerpt from my book 

Dowry is a Serious Economic Violence: Rethinking Dowry Law in India 

(2023)

Amazon

Centuries ago, when Karl Marx wrote exhaustively about the callous exploitation of workers by the capitalist class, he may not have imagined how in South Asia, women as brides would be treated as commodities, pitilessly exploited, and violently murdered in their own homes by their abusive husbands for extorting wealth. As the ruthless oppression of the toiling masses could not be prevented by laws or policies, the merciless torture and murder of women could not be regulated despite establishing a legal mechanism in place. Over the decades, predatory capitalism has irrevocably acquired an altered form, and the free-market approach has devised a new mechanism of manipulation (Faber D, 2018). Similarly, the viciousness of the neoliberal forces, clubbed with patriarchy, feudalism, conservatism, rampant materialism, and excessive consumption propelled by extensive consumerism, is aggravating the desire among men and their families to accumulate quick wealth using marriage as a tool to extract resources from women and their families. The bourgeoisie-proletariat categorization, in the situation of dowry practice, is expanded to include the classification of savagely privileged men versus women – rich or poor, and in urban or rural areas. Women from all backgrounds dreadfully suffer for the material gains of men and their families in a harsh and hostile environment fuelled by the neoliberal, Brahmanical capitalist patriarchy.

 

The Curses of Patriarchy

https://countercurrents.org/2022/11/the-curses-of-patriarchy/

08/11/2022

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said you are a female,

your birth is a burden

I survived and thrived, flourished and bloomed

Confronted their stereotypes and challenged their misleading notions

I vowed that I will not accept their false binaries or phony divisions

I will keep demanding equal rights and opportunities to be a human

That is my firm declaration

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said your education is a drain,

It has made you in-vain

You will empty your family’s purse and then

You will move away when you get married to someone

I questioned their negative stereotypes and adverse presumptions

I opposed their entrenched superstitions

and challenged their harmful assumptions

I went to college to gain education,

I got all degrees, medals, and accolades

And walked out with distinction

Aiming towards the path of progression

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said you are a woman you need to stay silent

Shut your mouth up and remain compliant

You have no right to make noise

You can’t raise your voice

I refused to remain obedient

I shouted, I wrote, I danced and I hopped

I defied, I rebelled, I resisted, I disobeyed

Because I chose the path of liberation,

I recognize my power, reclaim my freedom

Self-respect and love that is my assertion

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said you have to cover yourself from top to bottom

Veils, jewelry, sindoor, bindi, saree, makeup,

we will decide your uniform

We dictate and you follow this is the compulsion

I said I decide the way I wanna stay, it’s my conclusion

I am not your slave, I refuse to bow to your oppression,

I am not a thing that you can own

I don’t need your pointless interventions

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said you don’t need to go out, you stay at home

Staying inside the four walls of the house is your only occupation

Crossing the Lakshman Rekha is out of the permission

I broke all inept rules and regulations

I learned to fly, became a CEO, run big farms,

Excel in business, work in factories and set up my own craft

I choose to work in all male-dominated professions,

And achieve success in whatever I do with all my passion

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said you can’t be seen in a public domain

We will molest you tease you, harass you, shame you,

Because that is our dominion

No said I, this will not deter me this is your hollow frighten

My courage got your fragility shaken

This planet belongs to everyone

No one needs your futile intrusions

I resolved to walk fearlessly on the streets,

On the roads at the workplaces all on my own,

Breaking all your rules is my determination

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said for a female marriage is a compulsion

We will decide whom to marry when to marry that is our declaration

I said I assert my choices and my selections

I marry when I want to, and with whom I want to, it’s my decision,

I need no redundant patriarchal interruptions

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said you have no self; no identity of your own

Your existence is irrelevant, you are important to none

I use my skills and talents to earn fame and recognition

I proclaimed myself found my individuation

I need no benefaction

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said we will decide the sex of the baby or

when you will have an abortion

I said my body my rights, no interference from any one

Procreation, or abortion, all of that is my selection

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said divorce is not permitted, marriage is a sacred obligation

With no guarantee of my safety, wellbeing or protection

They pushed me to `adjust’ silently in a violent relation

Torturing and burning me for dowry that is their sole ambition

I walked away because forcing a vicious tie on me is a coercion,

Their masculine toxicity is indeed an intimidation

I refused to bow down

I can survive on my own, I need no superficial imposition

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said you can’t remain single,

Rearing a child with no father, you are a humiliation

I rejected their negative undesirable notion

I raised my child on my own,

I need no certificate of my motherhood from any charlatan

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said you are a bad woman,

A selfish slut who takes care of none

I raised my child, supported my old parents,

Cared for my loved ones

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said you will be denied the right to own a property,

Land, house or any possession

you have to stay under male protection

I said I refused your discriminatory directions

I made my own home full of love, kindness and compassion

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said you can’t be a politician,

You will not take decisions because lack the capacity to run a nation

I rose to the top to take national and global decisions,

To end all the wars and to culminate to all destructions

To make this world a peaceful place and to save nature and its creation

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said you have no rights, no laws apply no legal protections

It’s our will and command that is your only destination

I said I will not obey your unjust orders

I declined to give in to your unwanted unreasonable instructions

I will write my own laws; I will pen down my own constitution

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said he is superior, she is inferior

Male supremacy prevails, which forces biased preconceptions

That is engrained for generations in every institution

I confronted the age-old hegemony, oppose all the privileges

And challenged the obstinate male-domination

Dismantled the toxic masculinity, and resisted sexism.

Shred the misogyny and disarranged the dogmatism

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said a man is a hunter and a gatherer,

And therefore, he is a protector and provider

This is a divine creation based on biological differentiation

I questioned them that this is their false assumption

Because this imagined version is of a feeble and an apprehensive person

Perhaps, he can’t reproduce and lacks the capacity of procreation

So, how can he counterfeit his powers when he has none

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said your will remain bound by the man-made religion

And will obey all its customs and traditions

I defied and disobeyed, shattered all stereotypes, and broke all chains

I use my passion to transform the patriarchal civilization

They can neither rob my dignity or pride nor could harm my reputation

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said we will use against you all institutions

State, business, law, policies or religion

Pitting women against themselves,

this is what we have had you conditioned

I said I will rip off all your devious designs

and dismantle all your deceitful narrow projections,

Nurturing a just world, that is my solution

It’s your end, and the time of your permanent termination

I laughed and move on

 

Patriarchy cursed me, I laughed and move on

They said you witch, your laughing is ferocious,

This mocking hurts our fragile egos; it is savage and dangerous

I said laughing is an art of resistance, an act of power disruption

I lay the claim to the authority and to my solid foundation

Laughter is an anti-dose to all forms of oppression

It is indeed a step towards revolution

In me lies my courage, hope and conviction

There are unlimited possibilities that is my imagination

I laughed and move on

 

 

She is a girl; she has a right to survive with dignity

Shalu Nigam 

21 June 2022

She is not a commodity to be traded 

Hope that the moment you downgraded her could be faded 

She is not an object of your desire

She has dreams of her own to aspire

She is not a burden to be discarded 

She is a human to be accepted 

She is not a property to be owned 

She could imagine a world of her own

She is not a source of your free labor

Respect her rights and her worth, she is stronger

Because she is a girl, a woman 

She needs no permission

Her body her life and her future belong to her

Don't bring in your stereotypes, traditions or your repressive culture 

Your world is brutal and discriminatory 

But she dreams of a world that rests on equality

Where everyone has a right to survive with dignity

 

How Malimath Committee Denied Women their Rights?

Section 498A IPC is inserted in the Indian Penal Code in 1983 and provides to protect women from cruelty in their matrimonial homes. The Malimath Committee Report (2003), twenty years after the enactment of Section 498A noted,

“In less tolerant impulsive woman may lodge an FIR even on a trivial act. The result is that the husband and his family may be immediately arrested and there may be a suspension or loss of job. The offence alleged being non-bailable, innocent persons languish in custody. There may be a claim for maintenance adding fuel to the fire if the husband cannot pay. She may change her mind and get into the mood to forget and forgive. The husband may realize the mistakes committed and come forward to turn a new leaf for a loving and cordial relationship. The woman may like to seek reconciliation. But this may not be possible due to the legal obstacles. Even if she wishes to make amends by withdrawing the complaint, she cannot do so as the offence is non-compoundable. The doors for returning to family life stand closed. She is thus left at the mercy of her natal family…This section, therefore, helps neither the wife nor the husband. The offence is non-bailable and non-compoundable making an innocent person undergo stigmatization and hardship. Heartless provisions that make the offence non-bailable and non-compoundable operate against reconciliations. It is, therefore, necessary to make this offence (a) bailable and (b) compoundable to give a chance to the spouses to come together” (p. 191).

 

The Committee while making such observations expressed its apprehensions in the ability of the criminal justice system to provide justice. However, the committee has failed to recognize that

First, cruelty under 498A is listed as a cognizable, non-bailable and non-compoundable crime and has to be dealt with accordingly. The criminal justice system while dealing with each case, is expected to take abundant precautions in ascertaining the guilt of the accused person, therefore to suggest that this offence be diluted implies distrusting the judiciary and labelling the trial courts as inefficient to effectively adjudicate the culpability of the parties.

Second, the context of the relationship between the perpetrator and the victim does not make domestic violence a lesser crime. Rather the severity of the crime is adverse in situations where the batterer is in the capacity to exert financial, emotional and social control over the victim because of the relationship and the victim is financially dependent on the perpetrator.

Third, salvaging a violent marriage is not a viable option when a man is abusive as he destroys the family through his violent actions. Families cannot be built on the edifice of bruised and battered bodies or scarred minds.

Fourth, the bitterness in a relationship already starts once a wife is being abused, therefore suggestions should have focused on altering the men’s violent behaviour.

Fifth, the policemen are not overzealous to arrest the accused. Rather studies have shown that women undergo hassles in filing the FIR. Also, at every step of the trial, mediation is enforced vehemently to compel women to reconcile.

Sixth, making the offence compoundable will not serve the purpose as neither this will deter the perpetrator nor it will help to salvage the relationship. Experiences show that violence escalates in situations when women are pushed back in abusive situations without the guarantee of safety.

Last, the committee has failed to raise concerns relating to provisions of shelter homes, medical, or legal aid or other facilities for the battered women as its only apprehension was to save the family. This indicates its biased approach.

Despite its pitfalls, this erroneous approach sets precedents, is being repeated multiple times, and has major implications for diluting the procedures and provisions relating to criminal law. Over the years, the state has followed the recommendations blindly without testing the validity of claims or referring to the existing research to suggest changes. 

For more details please see my book

Domestic Violence Law in India: Myth and Misogyny (2021) Routledge

 

Every little girl has a dream, a dream that will not die….

https://countercurrents.org/2021/09/every-little-girl-has-a-dream-a-dream-that-will-not-die/

27/09/2021

Every little girl has a dream

A dream to study, a dream to play,

A dream to dance, a dream to fly,

A dream to be free from all adversities,

A dream that imagines equality, a dream that eliminates hierarchy,

A dream that shatters glass ceiling, a dream that challenges patriarchy,

A dream against oppression, a dream against subjugation,

A dream of possibilities, passions and aspirations,

A dream of liberation and a dream of emancipation,

A dream that will not die…

 

You may build walls, fences or boundaries,

You may create barriers of caste, class, religion or any other hierarchy,

You may close schools, defund colleges, smother universities or lock libraries,

But you cannot lock nurturing imaginations,

You may use arsenals or weapons, bombs, military or prisons,

For these dreams have been cultivated, and passed on through generations,

These are the dreams that will not die…

 

All the arbitrary discriminatory laws of the oppressive tyrannical regimes,

All the age-old, regressive norms of fundamentalists who pose as divine,

You may push a woman’s body behind purdah or veil to restrict her mobility,

You may try using indoctrination to engrain patriarchy,

You may use fear, terror or threat,

or you may harvest toxic masculinity, rage or hate,

But you cannot stop the venturing of a courageous mind,

A warrior walks the path she will find,

Because she has the dreams that will not die…

 

You may kill girls in the womb or discriminate against those who survive,

But you cannot shoot that fearlessness and bravery that thrive,

You may force honor killing or child marriage,

But these are the dreams you cannot encage,

Your chauvinism may shoot many Malalas,

Your misogyny may brutalize many Asifas, your sexism may rape Ashas

But you cannot kill their amazing far-sighted vision,

You cannot enchain the minds that have learned and dared to imagine

Rather your hostility will add fuel to the fire,

More you suppress more these dreams will grow stronger

Do whatever you could but these are the dreams that will not die…

 

Every little girl on this planet has a dream

A dream that hopes for the million possibilities and passion

A dream that brings change through creativity and compassion

A dream that imagines a violence-free wonderful world around her

The little girl who dreams know how to resist, dissent through her mutinies or rebellion

She knows that her dream will not shatter, what you do, doesn’t matter

The little girl is a warrior, she will not be deterred

Her dream will come true sooner or later,

But, one thing is sure, the dream she has will not die….